


Into The Burning Night

by nitpickyabouttrains



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Blood, Character Study, Dream Sequence, Dusk - Freeform, Gen, Marauders, Werewolf, Werewolves, emotional blood, let’s all spend some time in remus’s head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 10:36:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17579258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nitpickyabouttrains/pseuds/nitpickyabouttrains
Summary: Pulling his hood further over his head, Remus hurried across the field, sticking close to the edges, trying not to be seen. The sun was slipping past the horizon in front of him, the deep reds and oranges of the sunset fading into dark purple and blue. Over his head, the moon was not yet out, the stars could not yet be seen.But Remus could feel it, the oncoming night.





	Into The Burning Night

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hi_irashay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hi_irashay/gifts).



> Happy Dusk hi_irashay! Here is the angsty character study you didn’t ask for.

Pulling his hood further over his head, Remus hurried across the field, sticking close to the edges, trying not to be seen. The sun was slipping past the horizon in front of him, the deep reds and oranges of the sunset fading into dark purple and blue. Over his head, the moon was not yet out, the stars could not yet be seen. 

But Remus could feel it, the oncoming night.   

His bones ached and his skin itched. He could feel the blood pumping through his veins, hard and fast. Sounds were getting sharper, he could hear the rustling of the leaves in the forest and the distant shouting of students by the lake. 

A gust of wind ripped through the air, and Remus tugged his cloak tighter around his body, shivering. Soon the cold would not bother him. 

It was his third year at Hogwarts and only October. It would be his second full moon as a student. Or rather, his second full moon as a student when he noticed, when it mattered. His fifth moon since the Incident. 

He was still getting used to it, to what happened, to who he was now. To being different. 

School should feel the same, but it doesn’t. Probably because he can’t act like he used to with James and Peter and Sirius. He wants to, but there is always that one unspoken thing that he can’t talk about, that gets in the way. 

Werewolf. 

He doesn’t want it to change who he is, what kind of person he becomes. But he can already tell it will. It changes everything. Even during the 26 days of the month he is a normal kid. It’s always there, in the back of his mind. Something he doesn’t say, doesn’t tell his friends. When everyone met up after the summer and talked about what they had done, he had been quiet. What could he say?

Last month he had told them he wasn’t feeling well and was going to the infirmary. But he wasn’t sure how many times that would work as an excuse. What was a good reason for him not to come back to the dorms for 3 nights in a row?

His friends were great, and he knew they cared about him. But how would they react? James and Sirius were both from old wizarding families. And the wizarding world had a lot of prejudices against werewolves. They were considered dark creatures, that needed to be defeated and destroyed. Would his friends think that way too?

Peter wasn’t from that kind of family, but he would do whatever James and Sirius told him to, Remus thought. He wasn’t one to think for himself. 

Remus’s own family had not understood. They had locked him in the basement, in silver chains which burned his skin and bit into his flesh, when the full moon rose. He could see the fear in his mother’s eyes every time she looked at him all summer. 

Coming back to school had been a relief, because no one here knew. But it had also been terrifying, for the same reason. 

He would have to figure it out later, because the sun was sinking lower, barely visible now, and the stars were starting to come out. He needed to get ready faster. 

Picking up his pace, he veered into the edge of the forest. Being there as a person was mildly terrifying, but in a few minutes he would be the thing in the night, the one people had nightmares about and ran from. 

The clearing was just a little ways into the tree line, close enough that he would be able to get back in the morning with little trouble. But far enough that no one would be able to see him, or run into him accidentally. 

Quickly, he took off his cloak and tucked it into the hollow of the tree he had scoped out earlier in the week for just this purpose. He shucked the rest of his clothing, old things he would not mind if they got destroyed, and placed them away as well. In the first few months, at home, he had torn shirts and ripped pants at each transformation. Better to be nude in the moon light for a few moments then need a new wardrobe every month. 

At least, that had been his theory this summer. And so far this fall. But it was October and the biting wind cut through his still-human skin like a knife. 

Maybe a blanket next month, he started to think, but he did not get very far into the planning before moonlight glinted through the trees in the clearing. Bright shafts of light burning through the shadows of the trees and the saffire blue sky of dusk. 

The change came on him, not suddenly but in steps. 

His blood grew hot in his veins, burning him from the inside, pounding through his body. He felt each bone in his body break, shattering and pulling apart, before starting to elongate and reform.

This was the most terrifying moment. When he could feel his body changing, when he could feel himself fleeting into the beast. But he could do nothing about it. 

He had no control.  

Remus forced his eyes to stay open, he clamped his jaw down to stop from screaming, even as his teeth grew sharper and protruding. Around him, the dark parts of the forest changed in color, things previously in the shadows sharpening, as his vision got better and deeper. 

His hot and aching skin sprouted a thick coat of fur, and suddenly the wind seemed like nothing, barely noticeable. 

Lastly Remus felt his mind going, not leaving his body but taking a back seat. His wolf instincts took over, pushing back thoughts of loneliness and staying hidden. 

All that was left was himself, the wolf, and the grass under his paws, and the moon high in the sky. 

+++

Wolf-Remus shook out his freshly grown coat, and stretched his legs and neck. He lifted his snout into the air, catching the scent of a small woodland creature. He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes, and saw it was a squirrel. 

_ Chase _ , he thought. 

_ Food, _ he thought. 

He took off after it. 

Hard dirt packed beneath his feet, his paws. Strong back haunches pushed him off the ground on each leap. Each step a small flight, soaring through the air until he kicked off the earth again. 

Trees flew by. Wolf-Remus did not need to think as he dodged through the leaves and the foliage. He had a sort of sixth sense of where things were, how things grew. 

The squirrel, such a small animal, was quick and smart, but still slower, unable to cover the same distance. Wolf-Remus didn’t have to push himself to catch up. 

He put his head down, following the trail. The sharp smell of game and fear made him want to go faster. 

Dashing in and out of bushes, trying to find cover, Wolf-Remus’s sharp eyes followed the figures, finally reaching out his his left front paw only when it started up a tree. 

It wasn’t a race at all, really, it had just been a game. Wolf-Remus had the squirrel trapped under his paw quickly. It squirmed and tried to get away and Remus leaned down to sniff it and gather it in his jaws. 

He could feel the fragile bones in his mouth, could almost taste the blood, imagine how it would gush over his tongue, hot and heavy and metallic. 

But from the back of Wolf-Remus’s head, Remus-The-Boy managed to push through the thought of  _ NO,  _ of  _ DON’T EAT.  _

Remus-The-Boy remembered months past, how it felt to wake up with blood on his paws and the taste of iron in his mouth. It haunted him, the looks of terror on the faces of the animals as they died in the maw of his beast. 

It had taken him a while, but this was what he stood for, what he tried to stop now each month. No more death at his hands, not if he could stop it. 

Wolf-Remus paused, the treat was his by right, he had caught it. But that voice in the back in of his head was enough to give him pause. He loosened his jaw and lowered his head, letting the squirrel out.  

_ Good _ , thought Remus-The-Boy.

_ Food, _ countered Wolf-Remus. 

_ Run, _ suggested Remus-The-Boy. 

_ Run,  _ agreed Wolf-Remus. 

Wolf-Remus let out a howl, long and low, and lept into the night. 

So the beast took off into the forest, deeper and deeper, led by the light of the moon. Wind rushed through his fur and sticks and rocks passed under his paws. 

This was joy, this was happiness. Boy and Wolf agreed on this at least. Freedom. The whole world open to them. Pushing their body to its limit, letting it all go. Out here nothing mattered, there was no one else, nothing to worry about. 

When he was a boy, this was the one thing he missed. Being so sure-footed, so swift. Wolf-Remus could go faster, go further. 

He did. 

He kept on running, running until he had no more energy to go. 

By the time he was tired, he was back near where he had begun. Leaves were stuck into his fur at odd angles, and there was a raw scratch up his left leg where he had scraped up against a rock. 

There was a soft looking pile of leaves, pushed up against a boulder, where the wind had blown them. Wolf-Remus circled walked into it, circling around to make sure there was nothing hidden under, and then again to get all the leaves where he wanted them. 

Then he settled down into the pile, letting his massive head rest on his forelegs. 

He let out a satisfied huff of air, which came out in a warm fog against the cold night’s air. He closed his wolf-eyes, and his big ears rested back against his skull. 

He drifted off into a dream of ice and blood. 

+++

_ Remus sank.  _

_ All around him was cold, freezing water. His legs and arms splayed about him, weightless as he drifted.  _

_ The water moved, a slow and pulsing current. Inky blues and greens swirled around him, getting deeper and darker as he went. Less and less light. There was some coming in through the top of the water, but it was getting farther away.  _

_ He was drowning.  _

_ With a jolt he realized he needed to swim, to go toward the surface. There was no air to breath and his lungs were on fire.  _

_ Remus kicked his legs, moving so they were under him and he was angling toward the surface. He cupped his fingers and pushed at the water, trying to swim up. Everywhere the water touched him felt like ice, tiny needles pricking into his skin. Each movement only made it worse.  _

_ But Remus forced himself to keep going, to push on, to swim.  _

_ The light was getting stronger, though not like the day. It was more of an eerie glow, illuminating the water around him, making it look clearer and brighter.  _

_ Only a few inches above him was the top of the water, his way out, air. He reached his hand out to break the surface, but it was stopped by something hard.  _

_ A layer of ice.  _

_ ‘HELP,’ he pounded his hand against the ice, screaming into the water. ‘Help me.’ _

_ Faces appeared above him, across the ice barrier. They were blurry, obscured slightly by the cold water and frozen layer between them. James, Sirius, and Peter. They were frowning, shaking their heads.  _

_ Night was coming on behind them, only pale light left. But their faces shown like beacons, calling to him from under the water where he was trapped.  _

_ ‘Remus?’ Sirius asked.  _

_ ‘Sirius, help me,’ Remus tried to shout, reaching out his hand again and punching at the ice. ‘I’m here!’ _

_But it was not his hand that hit the ice in front of him, it was a paw. A wolf’s paw._ ** _His_** _wolf’s paw._

_ He had been a boy moments before, but his hand was transformed. Nails scratched against the ice as Remus tried to get out, to break it and get to his friends.  _

_ Across the ice, a look of revolution came across all three boys’ faces. Peter cowered behind James. Sirius crossed his arms. James pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes.  _

_ ‘Remus is gone,’ James said. ‘Only the beast is left.’ _

_ ‘Monster,’ said Sirius.  _

_ ‘Wolf,’ said Peter.  _

_ They started to back away. They were going to leave him there.  _

_ His chest hurt, not from want of air but from the look on the faces of the people he trusted most. Remus pounded on the ice harder, bruising his knuckles, until they started to bleed.  _

_ Tendrils of red bloomed in the water. First concentrated, and then spreading out. The blood looked like ribbons, shards of deep red against the pale blue of the water near the surface.  _

_ The blood got on the ice, smearing against it, leaving behind a bloody paw print. _

_ ‘Help,’ Remus tried to call, but all that came out was a long and low howl. ‘OWOOOOOOOOO.’ _

_ ‘See,’ Peter’s voice seemed far away, barely audible. ‘It’s not our friend.’ _

_ ‘It’s not Remus,’ Sirius agreed.  _

_ ‘...Remus-’ James’s voice was the last, fading away, as Remus let go and fell and let the water take him. He could not understand what his friend was saying. ‘Remus…’ _

_ +++ _

“REMUS?!” Someone was shouting his name. 

Remus woke up suddenly, all at once. He was curled up into a ball on a pile of leaves, shivering in the cold morning light. 

“REMUS!” his name came again. It sounded a little like James, though he could not be sure at this distance. Whoever it was was not yet in the woods, though. So Remus jumped up and went to find where he had hidden his clothes. 

The clearing with his tree hollow wasn’t very far away, he had managed to get nearly all the way back the night before. 

He dressed quickly, pulling on the loose pajama pants he had left, and the long sleeve cotton shirt. He draped his cloak over his shoulders as he ran toward the person calling his name. 

As he neared the edge of the forest, he did a quick check of himself, to make sure he was presentable. There was a gash he had noticed along his leg when he was getting dressed, and his ankle was swollen and stiff. His arms and face were covered in dirt, and he could feel some leaves in his hair. 

Remus opened his palms so he could run his fingers through his hair and remove some of the leaves, but was surprised to find dried blood on the pads of his hands. Small half crescent moon shapes were cut into his palm, raw and red. He must have been clenching his fists during the night. 

There was nothing he could do for it until he got back to the castle. So Remus stepped out of the tree line, toward the boy who was calling his name, focusing his eyes on the hovering shape. 

“James?” Remus said, as he got closer, and could see his friend. “What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here?” James repeated, sounding like he could not believe the question that was put before him. “I’ve been looking for you for ages.”

Remus could feel a small smile on the corner of his mouth. “You have?”

“You didn’t come back to the tower last night,” James said, shrugging. “And you weren’t in the infirmary. We got worried. Sirius and Peter are out here looking too, we broke up to cover more ground.”

Another Remus, in another life, might have taken this opportunity to tell the truth. It was a perfect opening. But Remus could not bring himself to say the words, to admit it. He had too much to loose. 

As lonely as he felt sometimes with his secret, he would be even more lonely without his friends. His wonderful friends who came out in the cold to look for him. 

“I couldn’t sleep,” Remus said, the first excuse that came to his mind. “So I went for a walk to clear my head. I guess I fell asleep out here?”

Remus paused, holding his breath. Would the excuse work? Would James buy it? If he did Sirius and Peter would go along with it too. 

James shook his head, but he smiled. “Tell one of us next time. You know me or Peter or Sirius would have come walking with you.”

“Sure,” Remus said hollowly, “Next time.”

There would be a next time, of course. Plenty of them. And he would not tell his friends. Not until he could be more sure of their reactions, anyway. But a small white lie would have to do for now. And next time, when it did happen, Remus was going to have to think of something better. 

James reached out and picked a leaf out of Remus’s hair and waved it in his face. “Come on, I bet you are freezing. Let’s go get breakfast. Lilly told me there might be blood sausage today.”

At the word blood, Remus’s mouth filled with a tang of something sharp. He looked down at his hands, which needed washing and to be cared for. But that could hold a few hours. His friends would be even more suspicious if he ran off again now. Besides, walking next to James, the heat radiating off of him, felt comfortable and nice. 

He wanted to go back with his friend, to talk about something dull like classes or what was for breakfast. Dealing with his night could wait. 

“I could go for a nice cup of tea,” Remus admitted, as they turned back toward the castle. “And maybe a bit of chocolate.”

“You could always go for a bit of chocolate,” James said, rolling his eyes, affection in his voice. “What else is new?”

+++

**Author's Note:**

> Here are some things that are cannon that I know I ignored (not sorry):  
> (1) Remus is made a werewolf before his first year of school.  
> (2) dumbledore always knew what Remus was and helped him starting in his first year.  
> (3) the marauders find out about the whole werewolf thing in their second year.


End file.
